Part I -Normal around here is Just a Setting on the Washing Machine

Do you like your whites whiter? Your colors vivid? Do you understand the importance of treating your clothing and linens in an appropriate manner that will maintain fabric quality? The bottom line here … do you shake your bottle of Tide?

No, I didn’t think so.

That’s why people hire professionals! And until you’ve removed a stain of red wine from a winter-white linen Chanel suit, then don’t talk to me about being a laundry professional. For the record, we need to make one thing perfectly clear -- I am not a maid.

Being a laundry professional is a tough job. First, everyone on earth thinks they can do your job. All it takes is a bottle of detergent and a machine, and there you go. But there’s something you need to understand – laundry is so much more. Laundry is about color, temperature, and degree of agitation, not to mention detergent, bleach and fabric softeners. Do we want to get started on folding vs. hanging vs. ironing?

No, I didn’t think so. Suffice it to say, I’m a pro and I take my job seriously.

Fortunately, I’m lucky to be working for a family that understands what I can offer them in terms of removing this one chore from their daily worries. Every weekday, from nine in the morning until straight-up noon, their laundry have my full and undivided attention. That includes everything from bed linens to designer suits to jeans that have more than a smidgen of horse manure on them.

Laundry around this place is never ending. Not so much because the Wheelers change clothes three or four times a day, in fact they don’t. Some of the work comes from the household being run more like a hotel than a home. Margery Trask is the manager of the hired help, and she takes her job seriously. She is truly an awesome lady. But one thing she doesn’t shirk is hard work and she requires the staff to work hard as well. For example, the maids are required to change the bed linens quite frequently.

Fortunately, Mr. and Mrs. Wheeler travel quite a bit, and it’s not uncommon for them to take their children on trips as well, so that can really reduce the amount of laundry. But I don’t just do the Wheeler’s laundry … I also do the laundry for the staff. Admittedly, the linen for staff isn’t changed as frequently, but it is done a minimum of once a week.

Doing the laundry for rich people is the easiest job in the world if you’re a laundry professional. You may have to develop a thick skin; people constantly want to refer to you as one of the maids. The maids bring the laundry to me, and they don’t like it one little bit! They think they’re all that—if you know what I mean—constantly trying to tell me how to do my job.

I know you’re wondering how I get laundry done for all those people while working just three hours a day, right? If the Wheelers were here more, I’d probably have to work more hours, but the primary reason is the laundry room.

The laundry room at Manor House is… well, it’s about as elegant as a laundry room can be. There are two sets of washers and dryers in the loveliest big laundry room you could imagine. One set is high capacity and that’s what I use for the linens. The room itself has built-in cabinetry, an ironing board, rolling carts for hanging clothes, a sewing kit, a television and even a sound system. There’s even a stool so you can sit down while ironing. The entire room is designed for maximum productivity. The person who designed Manor House certainly didn’t slouch on the utilities of running an estate. Every room, no matter the purpose, looks just as stylish and luxurious as Mrs. Wheeler’s bedroom. And that’s saying a lot!

There are some days when all the laundry doesn’t get done, but Ms. Trask understands. As long as nothing sits around in the laundry room for more than a couple of days, then my three hours a day is sufficient. Honestly, I’d work more but my husband wants me home when he comes home for lunch. You’d think he would be fine with me leaving him a sandwich or leftovers in the refrigerator, but it’s more than that. He wants to spend time with me. Occasionally, he’ll push me to either quit the laundry job or try something else, something more intellectually challenging, but he doesn’t really try hard. He can see that I enjoy that job. I’m one of these people that needs to see work get done. You start the day with piles of dirty laundry and you leave stacks of clean folded clothing. It gets done and you immediately see what you did. My husband on the other hand, he works as a project manager. His job is never done. I can’t imagine not having most of my hampers empty when I leave at noon. Nelson tells me—Nelson is my husband—that his inbox is never empty. Just the thought of it gives me hives!

There is one other thing, and that could be what makes the maids act rather snobby around me. The job pays very well, but the Wheelers are getting a great deal because it would cost them so much more than what they pay me to send all that laundry out for cleaning and it wouldn’t be anywhere near as quick. Laundry services normally charge by the pound. Some charge by the load, but it’definitely a quantity –driven business. I’m paid a fixed daily rate – fifty dollars a day, or $250 a week. It sounds excessive for laundry, doesn’t it? But if Ms. Trask had to send all that laundry out to a service she’d be paying at least $400 a week. At least! And that’s before all the same day premiums.

Laundry services are great, there are plenty of good laundry professionals out there, but they charge by the pound and an average load of laundry is about fifteen pounds, or anywhere from $20.00 a load to $35.00 a load for same day service. Do you see now how that’s a great deal for the Wheelers? For the family and their guests, I probably average four loads on an easy day. If they sent their laundry out, that’s a minimum of $80.00 a day—and I often do more than four loads, not to mention ironing those items that need ironing and re-sewing buttons and fixing minor things like hems or zippers. I don’t even charge extra for coveralls with ground-in oil stains from working on cars, nor jeans covered in horse manure.

Trust me, it’s a great job for fifteen hours a week! And it gives me all the mad money I need.

Which is probably why the maids act like they do. In particular that Celia. That girl is a piece of work, let me tell you. If I ever do decide to leave, you can bet your next paycheck it’s because of Celia Delanoy. She’s always gossiping about the Wheelers. You’d think she’d know that her employers expect her to keep her mouth shut about their private business. She tried to fill my ears one day over a conversation that took place before they hired Tom, this was before they were married, but I wasn’t having any of it. The sooner Celia understands that I have no use for her idle gossip the more I’ll like my job. Give me dirty laundry—literally now, honest-to-goodness laundry that needs washing—over having to deal with the likes of Celia any day! Then there was the time she tried to persuade me to give her anything I found in the pockets of clothes. Let me tell you, I shut that down right away. She’s such a snoop. Hopefully, Ms. Trask has her figured out and keeps her on a short leash.

Of course, there are numerous reasons to stay. Listening to the adventures of Honey and Jim and their friends is quite entertaining. I’d hate to miss hearing about some of the mysteries they seem to get involved with.

Then of course, there is that Bill Regan. My, oh my, oh my! That man will make a girl’s heart go pitter patter with one cool look.

Bill Regan, or Regan as everyone here calls him, is forever leaving things in his pockets. Horsey things. Don’t ask me what they are because you won’t find me anywhere near a horse. Regan offered to give everyone on staff riding lessons, but not even the thought of that man’s hand on my backside was enough incentive to get me on a horse. Give me a nice dog like that Patch any day, over a horse.

Besides leaving things in his pockets, Regan seems to have a close and very personal relationship with horse manure. And I mean that in the most literal sense. I do appreciate he’s simply doing his job, those stables have to be cleaned, and the Wheelers seem to have horses galore in those stables. Even understanding that it’s his job, there are days when I swear that the man has rolled in the stuff! But despite the things in his pockets, and the smelly horse manure, he is definitely easy on the eyes. A husky, handsome redhead—of which this place has no shortage. He’s the kind of man who’d take your breath away, but whatever you do, don’t tell my husband I said that! I’m quite certain that the main reason my husband occasionally makes the suggestion to me about finding something else to do for my mad money, is that he can’t stand the thought of me doing Bill Regan’s laundry. If he only knew about the manure, he’d probably understand there’s no reason to be jealous.

Unless I can find other work that pays $250 a week for fifteen hours of work, this is one laundry professional who plans to stay put.

But you better believe, I’m keeping a close eye on that Celia. And if the rest of the staff around here are as smart as I think they are, they’ll keep a close eye on her as well.